Jesus and the Bunnyman

(Note: a version of this article was originally written for the ‘Thought’ column on CollectivelyBeautiful.com) revised 3/27/2013 Jesus would be really pissed off about the Easter bunny. Let’s be honest. No matter what you believe – or don’t believe – it’s hard to draw a straight line from crucifixion and resurrection to an egg-laying bunny and gluttonous, chocolate-stuffed children.  Especially if you’re the poor bastard on the cross. He’s gotta be pissed. If Jesus does eventually make good on those rumors about his reunion tour, I have to believe that this particular holiday ritual would leave him wondering if we have retained enough of a grasp on reality (although that might be a relative concept to a water-walking winemaker) over the centuries to still be worth saving.  And when I ask people who believe in – or at least observe the rituals of – both of these celebrities-of-symbolism, I’m generally told not to overthink it.  Sadly I cannot ever seem to follow that advice…a character trait that I imagine will eventually lead either to my downfall or my enlightenment – most likely to both. Okay fine. So maybe I’m being just a hare (ahem) obtuse to serve my point here.  I do have a basic understanding of the way our medley of world religious beliefs have evolved – and how the Christians rather awkwardly ingested the pagan holidays in order to expand their fan base.  I get it.  I know the chocolate-dispensing, anatomically impossible bunny is about springtime and fertility, and perhaps inspires a better holiday game for the children than Capture-the-Crucifix or Resurrection Dodgeball (count to 3 and...
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